August Community-Based Research Reflection

As I begin writing my August reflection, I am attuned to how different my surroundings are. Everything is enveloped in green. My living space is about twice the size of the casita, with boxes, books, and bags strewn everywhere. I do have Internet access as of today and it's not only in my bathroom. I have returned to the hectic pace of social, community, and academic life in Chapel Hill. I am in the process of readjusting and getting back into balance here.

I apologize for not having written in so long. I still have not written about the last two weeks of July at MLL nor my trip home across the country. Once I returned to N.C., I was busy spending time with family and friends and preparing for my move back to CH and into college life again. It has been hard to have quiet, alone time to reflect and it feels strange to try and summarize my experience when I am still processing so much and am not participating in it in the same way anymore. I will be writing about my final weeks in El Paso soon, however, so stay tuned for those posts. The pictures included in this post are of students and staff from the birth center; I hope you enjoy finally seeing some faces! Thanks again for your support of my community and self-exploration - there will be more to come, I'm sure :)

1. Has your involvement in community-based research impacted your motivation to engage in community issues, research, or service?

I have always thrived working in groups and organizations whose purpose is to serve the needs of the community and facilitate its growth. UNC and the Chapel Hill/Carrboro/Durham/Hillsborough communities have provided rich opportunities to engage in service and enhance my awareness of community issues and dynamics. I am grateful to have had this opportunity yet again in El Paso and that While community-based research has shown me how service and research complement one another to serve the needs of an organization or group of people, I would not say it has heightened my motivation to engage in research.

I strongly believe that I will remain involved in community issues and service throughout my life and hopefully through my career, but I am not certain that I will continue to participate in research. Community-based research is unique because it allows the researcher to be actively involved in the field, thus enhancing the quality of interviews, fieldnotes, and observations (hopefully :) While I believe this model should be more widely integrated into qualitative research-based fields, I am not so sure I could constantly keep up with the aspects of research - I'm talking to you, fieldnotes - that are so vital to the research process. I do love interviewing, however, and believe it is a powerful tool of representation for the voices of those who are not always heard. Just not sure how to incorporate that into a job without doing research, too...

This experience has definitely centered me and my direction in terms of my career path. It has confirmed that I would like to work either directly as a midwife or as an advocate for midwifery by continuing as a doula, lactation consultant, childbirth educator, or by working for an organization that champions women's reproductive rights and access. I am currently thinking about ways to translate my work in El Paso back to Chapel Hill and would like to do a Women's Studies internship during my Spring semester that expands upon and provides a new perspective on my time at the birth center. I have decided not to do my honor's thesis and am looking forward to spending more time doula'ing (I wish it were a verb) and discovering just what it is I would like to do next year once this phase of life is over.

2. What assistance will be most helpful to you in the fall semester wrapping up your CBR project?

I just spoke with my research adviser about this today in light of my decision not to do my honor's thesis. We came up with an alternate plan that sounds good to the both of us! I plan to transcribe the fifteen interviews that I conducted with staff and students while in El Paso and write a compilation of thoughts/findings that would be useful to the birth center's growth and expansion of its services. What would be extremely helpful in this process is guidance on formatting this document so that it is both professional and accessible and setting a timeline of tasks to be accomplished each month since there is so much information to sift through. I would also appreciate guidance as to when I would like to/should have the transcriptions and compilation finished and ready to send to the staff and students at MLL. I feel supported both by APPLES and my research adviser and will be extremely grateful for any advice they provide!

3. Please share recommendations you would have for future Fellows knowing what you know now.

The first thing that comes to mind with this question, and I know it's probably been said a thousand times before by those who have moved out of their comfort zones and followed their hearts/spirits, is to be open to the fact that one of the most beautiful aspects of a summer like this is not only what you learn about the people and place you become a part of, but what you learn about yourself. I would advise future fellows to be open to change and growth on a personal level and to not always knowing what's going to come next. I absorbed so much about pregnancy, birth, family, relationship dynamics, being a midwife, border politics, and the Southwest by being at the birth center for two months, but also found out about parts of myself that had not yet been accessed or challenged. I didn't know what kind of learner I was, didn't know if I could stand to live by myself, and didn't know that I could be successful in less academic-related work and had not allowed myself to seriously dream about other avenues as an option. Flexibility is important in terms of working with one's community partner and adapting to their schedule, pace, and staff. Having a support system, whether near or far, is crucial for expression of worries, doubts, joys, and everything in between. Accept, especially when going to a place that's new to you and far away, that you're going to feel uncomfortable for awhile, but that this will dissipate once you are a bit more integrated into your organization, community, and work. Taste and see whatever the place has to offer you; it's not only delicious, but makes you feel more a part of the place and gives you something fun to do. Overall, believe in yourself and the research/service you are doing. Know that you have support from your research adviser, APPLES, family, friends, and new friends/work associates and that people extend themselves in amazing ways when someone they love and care about is going through a major transition. My grandmother and mother's daily cards come to mind here :) Give yourself time to process when you return and realize that you will be changed and aged by your experience. You will grow up and be so glad you did!