July Community-Based Research Reflection Part I

As with most of my blog posts, I've been meaning to write my July Community-Based Research (CBR) reflection for awhile now. It's been written in my calendar ever since I received the email with the questions, but with interview times constantly changing and unreliable Internet access, unless I put my laptop on a ledge under the window in my bathroom and stand up to type, this is the first time I've really had to sit down and write thoughtfully about these questions. I really do believe it's better that I am responding now with four days left in El Paso, however, because I can really synthesize all of the rich, hard, and amazing experiences I've had here. The pictures I've included are from last weekend when I went to the Municipal Rose Garden near my casita. I'll be posting more from Chamizal National Memorial and numerous border crossing points in my week 8 post (even though I really want to right now - have to leave you something to look forward to, though!) Hope you enjoy these reflections!

1. What is the current status of your project?
It's hard to believe, but my time as a short-term student in the birth center will be ending after my last 24-hour shift on this Saturday, July 31. It's been a busy two weeks trying to fit in a lot of interviews with student and staff midwives and I still have five potential interviews to do in four days (we'll see about that...). I am a bit behind on recording fieldnotes and updating the blog because these last two weeks have been so busy with the combination of shifts, classes, interviews, and time to decompress. While my time in El Paso is coming to an end, I don't feel that my goodbye on Sunday will really be final. I sense that I'll be back here as a student, researcher, or both and have truly come to love Maternidad and El Paso. One of the students told me in her interview that you have to scratch away at the surface of El Paso to really see how beautiful and rich it is; she was absolutely right. I was also told in our April CBR workshop that we'd be left feeling that we had more, rather than less to do once the experience began drawing to a close - that's surely true!

I feel like I am straddling two worlds with my project - one being the direct, hands-on practice of being a midwife and the other being the observer, interviewer, and writer. I must say that I really love both, but am uncertain how my findings will help Maternidad. I really need some time to read through/listen to my fieldnotes and interviews to see what sorts of themes have emerged. My goal with CBR was to help Maternidad assess and expand its services to women, but I feel that because I did not interview clients my findings will really be more helpful in terms of staff-student dynamics in the clinic and in the ongoing development process of the school's curriculum. I still feel indecisive about my Honor's Thesis, as well. While I believe I want to write about this experience and the research I've conducted and have yet to do, I am not sure if it will be this year or at some point later in my life. I feel strongly that these aforementioned aspects of midwifery, the direct practice and research/advocacy, are extremely necessary so that midwifery will survive and thrive in the U.S., but don't know if it's possible to balance both and still do a good job at each. Overall, I feel that while my time in the birth center is ending (for now), my project is still evolving and will continue to do so for awhile. I look forward to processing on the way home and throughout August, as I have not really had the chance to do that deeply enough yet.

2. How does your fellowship experience compare with your initial expectations?
When I first came to El Paso, I really didn't feel that I had any specific expectations for my project. I soon realized I certainly did once I discovered some things I was not expecting, such as the two, 24-hour shifts per week (I hadn't read the brochure thoroughly enough and thought I'd be in the clinic more; the two, 24-hour shifts were certainly enough, I soon discovered!) and imagined I would be more involved in births as a doula than I have been (mostly as a documenter). In terms of the experience as a whole, however, I really desired to discover whether direct-entry midwifery and/or research was the path for me. I believe this experience has shown me how necessary each is and that I am able (and enjoy) doing both. While keeping up with fieldnotes was tedious at first, I believe this was more due to the fact that I had not yet found a groove and didn't value alone and processing time as much as I do now being around people so much of the time. It's interesting because I never thought about how midwifery is a path that involves tactile learning. I've really realized what a tactile learner I am and how important it is for me to have a practical application of what I'm learning. This is really what APPLES does and has provided for me for the past three years, but being at Maternidad has truly reinforced how much I enjoy and thrive learning through my hands and how much better skills assimilate into your body when you learn through the complementary combination of academics and direct application. I never knew what kind of learner I was and certainly didn't expect to see it so clearly here!

I also entered the experience with the hope and desire to conduct interviews with clients, which did not end up happening. Mainly because of the constraints on their time and because I thought it would be hard to explain my role as a short-term student and researcher without making them feel uncomfortable about receiving prenatal and/or postpartum care from me, I decided not to interview clients at the end of June. I already feel like I am invading on their privacy when I take a look at their chart to remember how a cita went to then discuss on my fieldnote recording and feel/felt that interviewing could have had the same effect. I feel like I have integrated into and become more confident in the center this month and that I have developed stronger, deeper relationships with clients. I would probably try to do interviews if I were here for a longer time and as a long-term student, but I believe the difficulties of both the constraints on their time and my inability to go to them in Juárez (even though I want to) would make the process tough.

I also never expected I would enjoy living alone after despising it so much the first month! I really have gotten into a routine cooking, writing, recording fieldnotes, and getting together with students and have a newfound appreciation for solitary time. This is definitely an outcropping of the experience I was not expecting, but am happy to have found because I believe we all need varying levels of alone time and that it's important to find the level that's right for you for processing and rejuvenation. I'm also happy to have become a relatively good cook (I hope so at least!) and it feels good to be able to take care of myself having integrated into a completely new place and lifestyle.

3. What has been the most rewarding and challenging aspects of working with your community partner?
When I first saw this question, I immediately thought about how often the most challenging parts of an experience can also be the most rewarding. That's definitely how I've felt in relation to my level of involvement as both a short-term student and researcher at MLL. As I mentioned above, this has been extremely difficult to balance at times, mostly in terms of keeping up with supplemental fieldnotes and having interviews go through when they're supposed to (really difficult with varying shifts and levels of tiredness), but I've found the depth I have attained in each has made the research and direct practice all the richer. Interviews feel like informal conversations amongst friends and one of the most fulfilling aspects is that I understand so much better where students are coming from or what they've been through here because I've been through a piece of it myself. I believe this sort of applied research/anthropological approach augments the quality of the research conducted because the researcher is so much more integrated into the lives of the people and place. I would like to see the development of more applied research where the researcher is not the detached, "objective" observer, but an actively involved member of the group who really understands the pulse of the people and place. This type of research can be draining, however, since you're doing so much of both and I guess the opinions you develop are a lot more subjective because you've been through the process that you're researching, but I think that makes it fuller and richer. This part of my summer, therefore, has been both rewarding and challenging, but I believe these often go hand-in-hand, especially when you've learned or grown a lot.